Twitter Thread

I think everyone can admit that technology has essentially taken over our lives, and we are now ruled by our phones. And it's not just the younger generation; it's all of us, whether we like to admit it or not. But for all the good that technology does, one thing it can't do is express real human emotion, however much it may try. And autocomplete certainly does try. I'm sure we can all count on two hands the number of times autocorrect has f*cked us over in a text conversation? Twitter user @NihachuEatsCats put this to the test and Tweeted, "type "I'm sorry for being" and let your keyboard finish it for you." The results, were of course, bizarre. Check some of them out below.

Although people typically map out their career path in their 20's, not everyone is fortunate enough to figure out their life's calling at such a young age. Whether it be down to lack of opportunity, becoming a parent and not working, or just not figuring it out sooner, many people only decide what they want to do much later in life. Those who return to school and start a new career at an older age need a tremendous amount of tenacity and determination and should be admired. One guy, Doug Murano, wanted to celebrate these people and tweeted that he was "tired of "under 40" lists," he called for Twitter users to "Show me someone who got their Ph.D. at 60 after losing everything. Give me the 70-year-old debut novelist who writes from a lifetime of love and grief. Give me calloused hands and tender hearts." People were eager to share their 'over-40' success stories, which were the definition of heartwarming. Here are some of the best.

The past six months have been extremely tough on everyone, whether you've been stuck at home or not. But for those who haven't left the house much, it's easy to fall into some unhealthy living standards when you don't need to get up for work. From staying in your pajamas all day to not using cutlery anymore, people are slowly regressing into infant, feral-like habits. Podcaster and comic book artist @drewtoothpaste asked Twitter to "tell me the most feral thing you have done in the past six months of virus" after admitting that he ate a bag of frozen french fries for dinner. As usual, the responses didn't disappoint, and people began admitting all the gross habits they've picked up during the quarantine period. What are your feral practices?

A sincere apology means owning your mistake, acknowledging what you did wrong, and putting plans in place to ensure it doesn't happen again. This is the best way for the person you've wronged to see how sincere you are and to be able to trust you again. But some people aren't very good at apologizing, especially men. Twitter user @aj_fairley tweeted, "Apologize like a man...GOOOO" and the results from women are golden. Let's just say that the women of Twitter aren't too impressed with the apology skills (or lack thereof) of the men in their lives. Check out their hilariously relatable responses below.

Have you ever had such an awful date that you wished you could have escaped from there and then? We've all been there, but it's just so awkward to bail on a date early, especially if the person you're with is nice, but you're just not into them. Well, now you have some tips and tricks on what to do next time you find yourself in that situation. Enjoy these hilarious tweets on how to escape a date, and then share your advice on how to leave a bad date early in the comment section below.

It takes guts to ask someone out. Chatting up strangers can be pretty daunting, and it requires an art of subtlety that not everyone has mastered. People share the weirdest places someone has hit on them, revealing some highly inappropriate answers. Honestly, people, read the room, don't be a creep, and maybe someone will eventually agree to go out with you. Maybe.

Customer satisfaction is an essential component of any store's retention strategy. A necessary part of this is finding new and exciting ways to engage consumers and bring in new ones. Michaels, a chain of arts and craft stores based in the USA, has come up with a great approach to this by having a live chat feature on their homepage, which allows you to interact with other customers. Now I know what you're thinking; that seems pointless, right? Think again! A Twitter user discovered this exciting feature on the company's website and posted his findings to Twitter, together with some screenshots of the chat. His post quickly went viral, and thousands of customers began to try it out for themselves. We've put together some of the most hilarious and heartwarming conversations below. Would you use this feature on your regular store's website?

Remember the days when we could watch movies in the theater without a care in the world? Our biggest worry was which size popcorn to get (large obviously) or where to sit (back row, middle seats, duh). But those days are distant memories, and who knows when we'll be allowed back into theaters. We wouldn't even mind the obnoxious idiots who talk throughout the movie, or who have their phones on loud—just bring back normality, please! Joining us in movie theater nostalgia is writer Mike Ginn, who recently tweeted: "The thing I miss most about movie theaters is overhearing someone say the dumbest f—king thing I've ever heard before the previews start." His tweet went viral, and he received thousands of replies from people, all sharing the dumbest things they've overheard at the movies. What's yours?

The internet has the power to make things go viral for all sorts of reasons, and sometimes we come across something on the world wide web that is too good not to share with you. Get ready for this gem: a woman posted a complaint on Target's Facebook page, expressing her displeasure at the store's blatant selling of vibrators, "Front and center for little eyes to see. A vibrator that you can stick in BOTH holes. Because that is appropriate for little ones to see while shopping for vitamins." Read: prude woman feels uncomfortable that a mainstream store is normalizing women's sexual pleasure. Twitter user @kittynouveau posted the complaint on her account, and it instantly went viral, because, well, it's hilarious.

Let's break this down for a minute. Firstly, the vibrators were displayed in the sexual wellness aisle with condoms and lube, and not in the children's toy aisle, as she was making it out to be. If you don't want your kids to see it, don't bring them to that store section. It's that simple. Secondly, she obviously has no idea how a dual vibrating massager works because I don't know which holes she refers to when she says, "A vibrator that you can stick in BOTH holes." I'm going to go ahead and assume that she thinks one wand is for your butthole. Newsflash: one wand is for vaginal insertion, and the other one is for external stimulation. Not butts involved (unless you try really hard). Anyway, Twitter blew up when they saw the post, and the reactions to the complaint are hilarious. Check them out below.

Life is full of awkward moments that make us wish the ground would swallow us up. We've all had them, and the reality is, we'll probably have more. But my philosophy is that you may as well laugh at your misfortunes, because how else do you recover from them? Writer Sarah Schauer has done just that. Her tweet about the time she mistakingly flashed her tattoo artist has inspired others to share their equally awkward stories of times they flashed various professionals. These accounts of people revealing a little too much flesh to their tattoo artists and doctors will make you cringe on their behalf and probably remind you of your own embarrassments, which will make you cringe some more. Or, one woman so eloquently worded it in her Tweet below, "I would have rather just passed away."

Our childhoods are filled with memories that are indicative of the era we grew up in. Whether it's the cartoons that were on TV, the technology that was available, or simply the toys we played with, it's easy to reveal how old you are simply through pictures. A Twitter thread using the hashtag #RevealYourAgeWithoutNumbers has got people posting pictures of things that were popular when they were young, and people are guessing how old they are. What would your pictures look like?

British TV music composer Nick Harvey asked is followers to share their unique daily rituals after revealing that he hides his front door keys every night so his son, who sleepwalks, doesn't inadvertently open the front door. People really took it seriously and shared all of their daily routines, but perhaps they aren't as unique as they thought. Plenty of people related to almost all of the replies, which proves that we're all a lot more similar than we might think! Here are some of the sweetest replies. How many do you relate to?

Marriage is a beautiful thing: the meeting of two minds, souls and hearts. Although it's an exciting stage of life, before you make the big decision and tie the knot, there are some pretty important conversations you need to have with your partner to make sure you're on the same page about life's big issues. A helpful Twitter thread has gone viral, which contains many of these topics, including debt, cheating, kids, education, and religion. Scroll to read these pearls of wisdom and see how many of them you agree with. 

For too long, both in Hollywood and literature, women have often been merely supporting characters for men. As part of the territory, writers go to great lengths in describing the woman's physical appearance, focusing on their beauty (or lack thereof). But what if the tables were turned, and male characters received the same treatment as their female counterparts? What if writers began using equally shallow means to describe male protagonists, focussing solely on their physical appearances? A hilarious Twitter thread asking people to "Introduce a male character the way male screenwriters describe women," has got people doing precisely that, and the results are hilarious! Hollywood, watch out!

Being super-wealthy (and we're talking Jeff Bezos the founder of Amazon kind of wealthy), has its perks - the most obvious being that you can buy whatever you want, whenever you want. But one of the lesser-known hardships of being one of the richest men in the world is that it's actually harder than you think to spend that sort of money. A hilarious Twitter thread by Metro UK shows just how difficult it is to spend Bezos' net worth, which happens to be $189.3 billion. Read on and laugh, and be grateful that you don't have such a struggle in your life...

We all know that getting enough sleep is crucial for living a productive life. We grow up being told to get eight hours of sleep so that we can have an effective and productive day ahead, but there is a lot more to it than that. Someone has listed all of the negative health effects caused by lack of sleep and they are, quite frankly, alarming. I know that I certainly don't get anywhere near enough sleep, but after reading this Twitter thread, things are changing as of tonight! Scroll down and educate yourselves on why sleep is so important.