Twitter Thread

Almost every person has been on or will go on a bad date at some point in their life. I believe that awkward dates are a natural part of life, much like gravity and sunset. If you've done well enough to avoid one until now, I commend you. Honestly, you have dodged one of life's greatest bullets. But if you have a plethora of lousy date tales to tell, then welcome to the club. It's a magical place. Another Valentines Day has just come and gone, and if, like me, you were sat at home without a valentine, then these tweets about people's 'Weird, uncomfortable, funny, awkward, and ultimately entertaining' bad dates, will make you feel better about being single.

If you've ever slept next to someone who talks in their sleep, you'll know how utterly terrifying (but also hilarious) it can be. Seeing someone suddenly sit up straight in a zombie-like trance, eyes open, and utter total nonsense is not only terrifying but can be annoying, especially if it's woken you up. But all-in-all, it's more funny, than anything else, and these people are proving that by sharing the funniest things they've heard other people say in their sleep.

Aah, that blissful feeling of being in love — it's a beautiful thing, but it doesn't come without its complications. At one point or another, many of us will have found ourselves in questionable relationships where we put up with behaviors we shouldn't have—speaking for a friend, of course. The rose-colored glasses we wear in relationships can blind us to some pretty glaringly obvious red flags, which we can only see clearly once the relationship has ended. On the bright side, we can use them as learning experiences of what not to ignore when it comes to our next relationship. A tweet asking people to share the biggest red flags they ignored in relationships has revealed some hilarious responses, which might make you relate to any previous sh*t shows you dated in the past. What were some red flags you ignored?

As children, we form our views and ideas of the world based on the information we receive. Or, more realistically, on what we extrapolate from the truth, which is usually total nonsense.  Then, we grow up, learn more about the world and how it works, and realize that what we used to believe was just not true. But it's fun to look back and remember the bizarre things we used to think before we learned the real ways of the world. A Twitter thread started by writer Kristin Arnett has sparked people to reveal the utterly ridiculous things they believed as kids before the ugly truth set in.

Texting with teenagers always comes with the risk that they'll respond the same way they do in person: in monosyllabic grunts. And nothing is more infuriating than a teenager who doesn't communicate and makes you feel like a total idiot for just trying to have a conversation with them. Comedian Maggie Widdoes shared her experience on Twitter of texting a 13-year-old in her life a lovely "Happy birthday" message, only to receive "yeah" in response. Her tweet sparked other people to share their experience of texting teenage kids, siblings, nieces, and nephews and only receiving silence or one-word answers in reply. They prove one thing, and one thing only— kids are brutal!

Being in love can make you do crazy things and make sacrifices you never thought you'd make. But, as anyone who has been in love knows, once that good ol' Oxytocin kicks in, it's goodbye, old sensible self, and hello, brave reckless new self.

This phenomenon of being recklessly in love, was proved in a recent crazy interview with a former journalist named Christie Smythe, who fell in love with Martin Shkreli — the infamous former pharmaceutical fraudster. It describes how Smythe, who, at the time, was married to a successful investment manager, began covering Shkreli's case after he was arrested for various fraud counts. To give you an idea, hiking up a necessary HIV medication price by 5,000 percent was within his repertoire of offenses. He sounds like a standup guy, right? In the interview, Smythe reveals that she left her husband, quit her job, and froze her eggs all for Shkreli, who subsequently broke up with her. The guy is now serving seven years in jail. The story prompted Twitter user @literElly to ask her followers, "In light of the Shkreli story, what is the most ridiculous or embarrassing thing you ever did to be with a partner who wasn't worth it or didn't deserve you?" And oh boy, did the replies come pouring in. Here are some of the best, which are truly relatable AF.

A tweet asking women to "Tell me you're a woman without telling me you're a woman" has gone viral. And not necessarily for positive reasons. Hundreds of women commented, describing their experiences of being women without revealing their gender in a sentence or two. The majority of comments pointed out an inequality, discrimination, or assumption that they face from the world as a woman, whether it was about their safety when walking alone, the pressures of motherhood, or their career prospects. Here are some of the comments, which show just how far the world still needs to go regarding women's equality.

Reese Witherspoon and 21-year-old daughter Ava Phillippe are about as much proof as possible that genetics work. Ivy Park Beam tweeted a holiday photo of the mother-daughter pair, saying, "I know this is how genes work but wow." The pair, who look strikingly similar, aren't the only celebrities who bear a strong resemblance to their kids, and people started posting similar pics on the thread of other celebs. Scroll down to see how strong these celeb genes really are.

One day, I was about seven-years-old when my dad brought me home a bunch of spare stationery from his office. We're talking highlighters, sticky notes, pens, and a stapler. The next day, I went to school and told my teacher that my dad's job was a 'pen tester,' and he sat all day testing out pens to see if they work. His actual job? A marketing director. Oh, to be that blissfully naive again. The phrase 'truth from the mouth of babes' is a reality that many parents live each day. Someone Tweeted, "My friend's daughter was asked by her teacher what does her mother do for a living. Miss thing said move papers around and talk on the phone. My friend is a judge." It received thousands of likes and shares, with people responding with similar funny examples of what they think their parents do for a living. Kids really do say the darndest things!

Back in the not-so-distant-past when movie theatres were open, there was nothing better than going to your local cinema with your gal pals on a Saturday night, armed with snacks to watch the latest rom-com. A big bucket of sweet and salty popcorn and two hours of Matthew McConaughey? Yes, please! But one thing that never failed to enhance our cinematic experience was the thrill of sneaking real food into the movie theatre and getting away with it. Whether it was a slice of pizza in our purse or a burrito up our sleeve, everything tasted better when we knew we'd snuck it past security. Twitter user @LocalSoundwave asked people to share the foods they've snuck into movie theatres, and the responses reveal just how daring people are. Oh, the guilty thrills of doing something wrong!

People meet their significant others in all types of ways. Whether it's on a dating app, through friends, or a chance happening, they say love appears when you least expect it. So when Twitter user @jreganwilliams posted, "I may have asked this before, but how did you meet your partner? I love hearing the stories", people jumped at the chance to share the adorable love stories. And adorable, they indeed were. Enjoy reading these short tales of how love can emerge out of nowhere and catch you by pleasant surprise.

As the world is becoming more and more 'woke,' companies are doing their best to be as inclusive as possible. Corporations are being careful to avoid discrimination of any kind, with some going out of their way to prove just how inclusive they are. Tampax, who in a recent attempt to be inclusive towards trans-people who may still experience periods despite their gender, tweeted, "Fact: Not all women have periods. Also a fact: Not all people with periods are women. Let's celebrate the diversity of all people who bleed!"

The tweet was received mixed reviews and created somewhat of a stir on Twitter, with nearly 30k people commenting. The feminists claimed Tampax's dismissal of women, their primary market, and the only gender who can scientifically menstruate, to be offensive and misogynistic. They especially didn't react well to women being referred to as "people who bleed". But others commended Tampax for their inclusivity, labeling the feminists as 'transphobes', who were confusing sex with gender and denying trans people a period experience. Here are some of the tweets below which show people's responses to the controversial tweet.

Everyone is looking for different things in a life partner, and everyone knows what they bring to the table. But sometimes, it's better to keep your assets to yourself instead of assuming that you know what your potential suitors want, especially if it makes you sound like a bit of a d-bag. One guy learned this the hard way when he took to Twitter to vent his frustrations about being single, despite all his assets. His Tweet said, "My housing is paid for. I make a good salary. I get health insurance, 401k, 700 lbs of beef a year, and I live on a couple hundred acres. I'm a puncher by trade with a bachelor's degree. And I swear you women would rather have a loser than a provider. It's sad"

Twitter roasted him mercilessly, men and women alike and the responses are hilarious. We've compiled some of the funniest ones for you below to scroll through and laugh at.

A pictograph showing the average women's height per country has gone viral for its ridiculous scale representation. Depicting giant 5'5" Latvian women towering above tiny 5'0" Indian women, people are ruthlessly roasting the graph in a hilarious Twitter thread. Initially posted by @reina_sabah, she wrote, "As an Indian woman, I can confirm that too much of my time is spent hiding behind a rock praying the terrifying gang of international giant ladies and their Latvian general don't find me." Fellow Twitter users found the graphic equally as insulting, baffling, and absurd and have some witty comebacks in response. Check out some of the funniest ones below.

I think everyone can admit that technology has essentially taken over our lives, and we are now ruled by our phones. And it's not just the younger generation; it's all of us, whether we like to admit it or not. But for all the good that technology does, one thing it can't do is express real human emotion, however much it may try. And autocomplete certainly does try. I'm sure we can all count on two hands the number of times autocorrect has f*cked us over in a text conversation? Twitter user @NihachuEatsCats put this to the test and Tweeted, "type "I'm sorry for being" and let your keyboard finish it for you." The results, were of course, bizarre. Check some of them out below.

Although people typically map out their career path in their 20's, not everyone is fortunate enough to figure out their life's calling at such a young age. Whether it be down to lack of opportunity, becoming a parent and not working, or just not figuring it out sooner, many people only decide what they want to do much later in life. Those who return to school and start a new career at an older age need a tremendous amount of tenacity and determination and should be admired. One guy, Doug Murano, wanted to celebrate these people and tweeted that he was "tired of "under 40" lists," he called for Twitter users to "Show me someone who got their Ph.D. at 60 after losing everything. Give me the 70-year-old debut novelist who writes from a lifetime of love and grief. Give me calloused hands and tender hearts." People were eager to share their 'over-40' success stories, which were the definition of heartwarming. Here are some of the best.