abbyadler

Abby is a wandering soul who is incapable of staying in one place for too long. She splits her time between the US and Israel. Her passions include travel, dance, karaoke, meditation, and cheesy fries. When she's not clacking away at her laptop and talking shit on the internet, you can find her tearing up the dance floor on a night out on the town.

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Mostly Nonsense, But Kind Of Accurate Weekly Horoscopes (January 18 - 24, 2021)


I bet you have no idea what's flying this week. It's all good because neither do I. Luckily, we can always rely on the stars and planets of the universe for guidance. Because when you follow the cosmos, everything will magically fall into place. So hop on my spaceship and ride into infinity and beyond with me!



women's weekly funny horoscope January 2021 | thumbnail Text - Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19) In honor of the last hurrah of your birthday month, rev up your energy engines! In addition to working on many different projects simultaneously, you should be working on many different guys simultaneously too, because according to the stars, the more the merrier.
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'Dear Karen': The New Advice Column Dishing Out Entitlement On A Weekly Basis (January 18, 2021)

Haven't been receiving the respect you deserve lately? Have no fear - your local neighborhood Karen is here to turn your life around! With her top-notch tips, you'll be living the life you've always dreamed of in no time. Everyone will be giving you exactly what you want when you want it, forever and always.

For more incredible advice from Karen, email dearkaren.cheezcake@gmail.com. 

Dear Karen advice column, the advice column helping you get the privilege you're entitled to | thumbnail Text - Dear Karen.. Dear Karen, I took my kids to Applebee's, and the food was atrocious. Because the service was slow and the poor kids were starving, we ended up eating it all. When I finally got the chance to file a complaint with the manager, they I don't understand the question, and won't respond to it still expected us to pay. How should I handle low rate service like this next time? -
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We Ranked All The 'Bridgerton' Men According To Their Suitor Potential

The gentlemen of Bridgerton have inevitably captured our hearts as of late - some more so than others. As a super single Netflix enthusiast who is still very much on the marriage market, naturally, it was my duty to detail the lords who would make the best boyfriends and the trash that shouldn't even bother trying. And I did it all without Anthony Bridgerton's shitty suitor advice too! So make haste, and read on to meet your ideal Regency era boyfriend.

SPOILERS AHEAD, so don't say I didn't warn ya. 

the men of bridgerton ranked in terms of boyfriend pros and cons | thumbnail Simon Bassett PROS: Tall VBrooding VHandsome VA literal sex god who shall never stop raking your body. CONS: XMAJOR daddy issues. Yikes!
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Mostly Nonsense, But Kind Of Accurate Weekly Horoscopes (January 11 - 17, 2021)

So we somehow made it to 2021, huh? Surprisingly enough, coronavirus didn't magically disappear at midnight on New Years Eve, yet with the stars on our side, I still have high hopes for the year. As we zoom into January, zoom into the cosmos with me and discover your fate, if you dare.


women's weekly nonsense horoscope January 2021 | thumbnail Text - Text - Taurus (April 20 - May 20) A super shitty secret is gonna come to light this week in your social circle. Depending on how you handle this newfound truth may determine the dynamics of your friend group forever. No pressure though. XOXO, Gossip Girl.
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The Ten Predictable Guys All Women Meet On Dating Apps

Hinge, OkCupid, Bumble, Tinder, Eharmony, Coffee Meets Bagel, Ship - the building blocks for the rollercoaster that is the dating app sphere. And what a wild, shitty ride it is. 

If your dating life is as much of a hot mess as my own, you've been downloading, deleting, and redownloading the apps since the beginning of time. Like many things in life, it has turned into a routine that I have come to despise. Alas, the quest for love always keeps me coming back for more. Because I've become so intertwined with the apps, I have inevitably become intertwined with the guys featured on the apps, and they will always have a special place in my digital heart. To all the boys I've swiped right (or left) on before, this one's for y'all.


the ten guys all women meet on dating apps | thumbnail image of topless man text - The One Too Hot For A Bio He seems to think his looks alone will easily get you to swipe right. Why waste time on words when his face speaks for itself? You'll be the judge of that.
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'Dear Karen': The New Advice Column Dishing Out Entitlement On A Weekly Basis (January 11, 2021)

No one in your life seems to understand that you deserve your world and more. No one except your local neighborhood Karen! Imagine a reality where you could get whatever you want when you want it.

Karen is here to offer you weekly quality advice, advice that will guarantee your best life from here on out. Screw the managers you've dealt with in the past, and embrace Karen as your life manager instead!

For more incredible advice from Karen, email dearkaren.cheezcake@gmail.com.


Dear Karen advice column, the advice column helping you get the privilege you're entitled to | thumbnail Text- Dear Mama Bear, Write a passionate letter to the CEO describing your ordeal with the unqualified employee, and detailing your integral role as a mother and a regular paying customer. Remember: 88 the CEO needs YOU for business, not the other way around! - Karen
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Mostly Nonsense, But Kind Of Accurate Weekly Horoscopes (January 3 - 10, 2021)

Who's hyped for another year of horoscopes?! I know I am. If there's one thing 2020 taught is, it's to expect the unexpected. As Forrest Gump once said, "life is a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get." The only thing you can rely on right now is how the planets align, and what exactly that means for your future. Hang on tight, and enjoy this crazy journey into the universe with me.



women's weekly nonsense horoscope | thumbnail Text - Saggítarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21) Your financial situation is the opposite of a good time. As you dive headfirst into your bills, be sure to also dive into a tub of ice-cream. There's nothing a tub of ice- cream can't fix. Trust me, I'm super tight with Ben & Jerry.
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'Dear Karen': The New Advice Column Dishing Out Entitlement On A Weekly Basis (January 4, 2021)

At this point in history, we're all well aware that life is a total hot mess. All of us have hopes and dreams, with no idea how to accomplish them. All of us have struggles and problems, with no idea how to solve them. 

Have no fear - in honor of 2021, your local neighborhood Karen is here!  

With Karen's advice, you'll get everything your little heart desires because you deserve the world and more, and anyone who gets in your way should be fired immediately. Do they know who they're speaking to? The audacity!

Shut the F up, and listen the F up because Karen has many words of wisdom to bestow upon you. If you're looking for more quality advice from Karen, email her at dearkaren.cheezcake@gmail.com.


dear Karen advice column, the advice column helping you get the privilege you're entitled to | thumbnail Text - "Dear Karen.." The advice column helping you get the privilege you're entitled to A CHEEZCAKE FEATURE | When the clerk at TJMaxx wouldn't let me return horrendous. low-quality clothing (I don't know what I was thinking when I bought them in the first place), I asked to speak to the manager, of course. To my dismay, the manager also said I couldn't return the clothes because I missed
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The 9 Guys Who Will Inevitably Try And Slide Into Your DMs At One Point Or Another

Instagram is a funky digital space. Guys in general are strange as f*ck. Put the two of them together, and you get double the trouble. And yet, you can't help coming back for more.

When you come to terms with the fact that you're just as weird as these Insta guys, you'll start embracing all those annoying DMs that come your way. Let's get on the 'gram, and decipher all these DM dudes together.


The types of guys who slide into Women's DMs | thumbnail picture of old man text - The Sugar Daddy He just wants to shower you in money, presents, and everything your heart desires. You're beautiful, and beautiful girls deserve the world. You don't even have to sleep with him. He just wants a harmless feet pic. You laugh at first, but then you reconsider. You could really use the money. All about the hustle. %24
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Your Nonsense New Years Horoscopes (December 27 - January 3)

Cheers to New Years! Not just any new year - 2021. The year that marks the end of 2020 AKA hell on Earth as we know it. 2020 brought us a global pandemic, social unrest, travel bans, and even murder hornets at one point. Truly a shitty surprise on every corner. We can only go up from here, ladies & gents. I think. Are you there, cosmos? It's me. The horoscope princess. And I'm begging you to make 2021 a damn good year. Or even mediocre would be good enough.

As we dive headfirst into another year, let's turn to the stars for desperately needed guidance.



women's weekly funny horoscope | thumbnail Text - Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) You've had your eyes set on a sexy m. someone for months, but my, oh, my, looks like the boy's too shy, ain't gonna kiss the girl. Time to call the shots on your end - when the clock strikes 12, throw yourself into his arms, and let that midnight magic wash over the two of you. Cl
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Guys All Women Encounter On New Years Eve

Just because 2020 was the ultimate sht show dumpster fire, doesn't mean you can't end it with a total bad bish bang. Your idiot friends have already convinced you to drop a hundo on an NYE party that surely will not be worth the price tag, but at least you always look hot in sparkly sht.

Even though you downloaded all the dating apps and sat through countless Facetime dates, you're still somehow going into the next year without your own corona cutie. Looks like this overrated New Years party is your last shot to hook yourself up. So go hard at the pregame, hype the homies up, and get your game face on for a flirty, shimmering night social distancing night out, (or in, given the current sitch). Cheezcake ladies, get ready to gear up for the new year with these dashing dudes!



guys all women meet on new years eve | thumbnail image of man with Party hat. Text - The Self- Sabotage Single His ex broke up with him right before the New Year, which is the reason why his cat is the only female in his life he can trust at the moment. Like, dude, your loss. Maybe he'll find love in 2022 when he's finally gotten over her.
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Your Nonsense Christmas Horoscopes (December 20 - December 27)

It's that time of the year for holiday cheer! We didn't think we'd make it this far, but 2020 is full of surprises. The fact that we actually made it this far is a sign that the stars just might be on our side… right?

Santa baby, we've been awfully questionable good girls this year. Think of all the fun we've missed, think of all the fellas we haven't kissed. Next year we'll be oh, so good if you hook us up with somewhat of a sense of normalcy? When you hurry down the chimney tonight, can you deliver optimistic horoscopes? Is that too much to ask for? A girl can dream. Buckle up with an ugly Christmas sweater and a warm cup of eggnog, because 'tis the season to be jolly as f*ck with these holiday horoscopes.



women's weekly funny horoscope | thumbnail Text - Saggítarius (Nov 22 Dec 21) This holiday season, you intend to be the gift. Whatever is on his list, you'll do it. Slutty Santa's Helper? Rudolph the Raunchy Reindeer? Christmas Tree Gone Wild? Ride that sleigh to town, girl!
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Guys You'll Meet At The Galactic Federation

ICYMI: The Jerusalem Post recently shared an article about a former Israeli space chief who claimed that the US and Israel have been in contact with aliens known as "The Galactic Federation." Said aliens reportedly stopped President Trump from revealing their existence to humanity because they don't think humanity is ready just yet. Twitter went absolutely wild in response to the article, brainstorming the unlimited possibilities that the galaxy holds.  As the topnotch memes on Twitter suggest, the universe holds infinite possibilities - including men that are quite literally otherworldly.

The future is now. It's time to quit re-downloading dating apps. It's the same trash that you went through last month. Evidently, the earthly men are useless, and we are sick and tired of their shit. Ladies, let's ditch this polluted popsicle stand known as Earth. 

Hop on my space shuttle and meet the new eligible bachelors of the Galactic Federation.


guys you'll encounter at the galactic federation | thumbnail image of Thor Text - Thor: The ladies man As a brawny thunder God, you already know he brings the thunder in bed. Feeling experimental? Have him whip out his enchanted, erotic hammer to spice things up. And with his super endurance, he’ll keep it going all night long.
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Nightmare Family Members At Every Holiday Dinner

Don't you just love when the family gets together? After all the time apart, there's so much to catch up on, and so much love to go around. Or judgment. Maybe a little bit of both. Depending on the relative in question, you're either really hyped to see them or dreading being in the same room as them.

This holiday season is no different. It's time to refresh your memories when it comes to the best and worst relatives at every holiday dinner. We know it's a hard pill to swallow, but these people are integral to the reality of your life. You didn't choose 'em, but you're stuck with 'em for every holiday dinner till the end of time. Cheezcake babes, time to rip off the bandaid, get through it together, and celebrate our survival with hot toddies afterward!



nightmare family members at all holiday dinners | thumbnail image of woman stressed in kitchen Text - The 'Anxious Wreck' She has meticulously planned a list of conversation starters, icebreakers, and holiday games to ensure that everything runs smoothly. As the conversation gets heated, she heads to her room to pop a Xanax or two.
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Your Weekly Nonsense Horoscope (December 13 - December 20)

Another week, another plan set out for you in the stars. The end of 2020 is near, and you gotta be prepared for the next chapter of your story. Naturally, your horoscopes have you covered for whatever may come your way.


women's weekly funny horoscope | thumbnail image of woman pointing Text - Weekly Horoscopes Because astrology is cheaper than therapy | Taurus gonna hook up with couple Benjamins this week. Meaning purse is gonna be BRIMMING with cash.
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Guys All Women Encounter At The Gym

As if I didn't hate working out already, the guys I come into contact with at the gym make me regret showing up even more. Like, don't these men understand that I just wanna suffer and sweat in peace? Don't look at me, don't talk to me, just let me be. Nonetheless, I have to admit that whether they're directly involving you in their gym routine or not, prime entertainment is always guaranteed during your workout.

This list is gonna make you count your blessings for at-home workouts during the Rona era.


guys all women meet at the gym | thumbnail includes picture of topless man taking gym selfie Text - Somehow, he has a perfectly chiseled bod, which makes no sense, considering he spends more time hanging out around the mirror than actually working out. If he could make out with his reflection, he totally would.
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