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women's weekly funny horoscope January 2021 | thumbnail Text - Weekly NO Nonsense Horoscopes Because astrology is cheaper than therapy | Cancer thought finally found perfect no-strings-attached relationship, but looks like FWB has caught feels Unfortunately far being on same page, so 's time jump ship before this hookup entirely destroys friendship beyond repair.

Mostly Nonsense, But Kind Of Accurate Weekly Horoscopes (February 1 - 7, 2021)

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women's weekly funny horoscope January 2021| thumbnail Text - Cancer (June 21 - July 22) You've heard the word "no" so often recently that it's obnoxious at this point. But this is the week you've been waiting for - the week of YES! Expect to hear it everywhere and everywhere - YES to that promotion, YES to those vacation days, and SO MUCH YES in bed.

Mostly Nonsense, But Kind Of Accurate Weekly Horoscopes (January 25 - 31, 2021)

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women's weekly funny horoscope January 2021 | thumbnail Text - Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19) In honor of the last hurrah of your birthday month, rev up your energy engines! In addition to working on many different projects simultaneously, you should be working on many different guys simultaneously too, because according to the stars, the more the merrier.

Mostly Nonsense, But Kind Of Accurate Weekly Horoscopes (January 18 - 24, 2021)

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women's weekly nonsense horoscope January 2021 | thumbnail Text - Text - Taurus (April 20 - May 20) A super shitty secret is gonna come to light this week in your social circle. Depending on how you handle this newfound truth may determine the dynamics of your friend group forever. No pressure though. XOXO, Gossip Girl.

Mostly Nonsense, But Kind Of Accurate Weekly Horoscopes (January 11 - 17, 2021)

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women's weekly nonsense horoscope | thumbnail Text - Saggítarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21) Your financial situation is the opposite of a good time. As you dive headfirst into your bills, be sure to also dive into a tub of ice-cream. There's nothing a tub of ice- cream can't fix. Trust me, I'm super tight with Ben & Jerry.

Mostly Nonsense, But Kind Of Accurate Weekly Horoscopes (January 3 - 10, 2021)

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women's weekly funny horoscope | thumbnail Text - Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) You've had your eyes set on a sexy m. someone for months, but my, oh, my, looks like the boy's too shy, ain't gonna kiss the girl. Time to call the shots on your end - when the clock strikes 12, throw yourself into his arms, and let that midnight magic wash over the two of you. Cl

Your Nonsense New Years Horoscopes (December 27 - January 3)

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women's weekly funny horoscope | thumbnail Text - Saggítarius (Nov 22 Dec 21) This holiday season, you intend to be the gift. Whatever is on his list, you'll do it. Slutty Santa's Helper? Rudolph the Raunchy Reindeer? Christmas Tree Gone Wild? Ride that sleigh to town, girl!

Your Nonsense Christmas Horoscopes (December 20 - December 27)

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women's weekly funny horoscope | thumbnail image of woman pointing Text - Weekly Horoscopes Because astrology is cheaper than therapy | Taurus gonna hook up with couple Benjamins this week. Meaning purse is gonna be BRIMMING with cash.

Your Weekly Nonsense Horoscope (December 13 - December 20)

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women's weekly funny horoscope | thumbnail image of woman pointing Text - Weekly Horoscopes Because astrology is cheaper than therapy

Your Weekly Nonsense Horoscope (November 30 - December 6)

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women's weekly funny horoscope | thumbnail Text - Taurus Dollar signs are on the horizon this week - but only if you're not shy about it. Whether its asking for a promotion at work, or your sugar daddy to increase your weekly allowance, people are feeling more generous this Thanksgiving weekend.

Written In The Stars: Thanksgiving Weekly Horoscope (November 23 - 29)

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weekly women's funny horoscope | thumbnail Aries The sun moves to Jupiter this week, sprinkling some extra boldness and spontaneity into your spirit. Instead of obsessing over Mr. Dashing, Dark, & Handsome, slide into those DMs

Written In The Stars: Your Weekly Horoscope (November 16 - 22)

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Weekly women's funny horoscope | thumbnail Go (Scorpio) shorty - it's your birthday month! Even though it's your special tim of the year, you may also encounter assholes who are trying to mess with your birthda vibes. If their sh*tty attitudes persist, stay true, and swiftly tel them to shut the f*ck up | Libra The sun will be blocked by Neptune in Pisces, so prepare for a rollercoaster of emotions. To prevent a complete meltdown, cut down on the crap in your life. Eliminate toxic frenemies

Written In The Stars: Your Weekly Horoscope (November 9 - 15)

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pictures of satirical horoscopes zodiac signs - cover pic Libra | Libra (Sept 23 Oct 22 think unique because hormones are out wack right now, but news flash: so are everyone's s been crazy year and mood swings are off charts. Try and channel energy into some self-care this month, and invest some bath salts. Or some vodka. Or both!

Your 100% Factually (Maybe) Accurate September Horoscopes

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pictures of satirical horoscopes zodiac signs - cover pic Aries You think you're outgoing unfortunately everyone else thinks you're a psycho | Aries (March 21 April 19 think outgoing, but unfortunately, everyone else thinks psycho. This month should work on leaving some of the crazy at home locked drawer. And then throw away key. But seriously though, chill f*ck out.

Your 100% Factually (Maybe) Accurate July Horoscopes

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horoscope zodiac satire June satirical star sign Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces | Taurus (April 20 May 20) At this point s clear 2020 is broken cannot be emphasized enough: THIS IS NOT TIME EXPERIMENT WITH HAIR. Just. Don't. Do Come back and try again 2021.

Your 100% Factually (Maybe) Accurate June Horoscopes

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Your 100% Factually (Maybe) Accurate April Horoscopes

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