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Your 100% Factually (Maybe) Accurate September Horoscopes

September has begun, and you know what that means? There's only one more month until we can say "next month, there's only one month until the last month of 2020." Did that give you a headache? Me too, but that's OK because Autumn brings with it pumpkin-spiced everything, and nothing bad can happen when you've got a Salted Caramel Pumpkin Latte in your hand. But let's not tempt fate.

Just in case, we've checked to see what the celestial bodies have in store for you this month. Because with one quarter left of 2020, surely things can't get any worse. Right?! Here are your September horoscopes, based on... well, not much to be honest with you. 

pictures of satirical horoscopes zodiac signs - cover pic Libra | Libra (Sept 23 Oct 22 think unique because hormones are out wack right now, but news flash: so are everyone's s been crazy year and mood swings are off charts. Try and channel energy into some self-care this month, and invest some bath salts. Or some vodka. Or both!
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My Dating Nightmare: The Worst Dating Habits Of Each Zodiac Sign

You might think that it's simply down to luck (or lack thereof), that your poor romantic choices keep you trapped in the never-ending dating loop of doom. But what if there was a little more to it than sheer boredom, horniness, and some bad experiences? What if your bad dating habits were cosmically driven, and your destiny was actually written in the stars? Courtesy of The Single Society, check out what your zodiac sign exposes about your questionable dating habits, and see how much you relate to these harsh, but honest revelations. And remember, you can always change your destiny... 

Worst dating habits according to your zodiac signs
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Your 100% Factually (Maybe) Accurate July Horoscopes

Forgive us for being a little late with your horoscopes this month, but we've been busy bees. With July seeing the world getting into somewhat of a semblance of normality, we thought it was time to serve you a big ol' slice of reality pie. Therapy might be expensive, but star signs are not. So before you go investing in finding a shrink, check out what we have to say about your upcoming month. Pay attention, we know what we're talking about! 

pictures of satirical horoscopes zodiac signs - cover pic Aries You think you're outgoing unfortunately everyone else thinks you're a psycho | Aries (March 21 April 19 think outgoing, but unfortunately, everyone else thinks psycho. This month should work on leaving some of the crazy at home locked drawer. And then throw away key. But seriously though, chill f*ck out.
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Your 100% Factually (Maybe) Accurate June Horoscopes

The stars are a bit like your therapist, your best friend, and your mom; sometimes they have good advice. Other times, they really, really don't. Either way, reading your horoscope is cheaper than therapy, so here are your 100% factually (maybe) accurate predictions for June.

And in case you missed it, check out your April Horoscopes to see if anything has changed for you since then! Or, if your life is pretty much the same. Old. Cr*p.

horoscope zodiac satire June satirical star sign Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces | Taurus (April 20 May 20) At this point s clear 2020 is broken cannot be emphasized enough: THIS IS NOT TIME EXPERIMENT WITH HAIR. Just. Don't. Do Come back and try again 2021.
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Your 100% Factually (Maybe) Accurate April Horoscopes

The stars are a bit like your therapist, your best friend, and your mom; sometimes they have good advice. Other times, they really, really don't. Either way, reading your horoscope is cheaper than therapy, so here are your 100% factually (maybe) accurate predictions for April.

And in case you missed it, check out your March Horoscopes to see if last month brought you what you wanted!

horoscope, zodiac, satire, March, satirical, stars, prediction, star sign Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces
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Your 100% Factually (Maybe) Accurate March Horoscopes

The stars are a bit like your therapist, your best friend, and your mom; sometimes they have good advice. Other times, they really, really don't. Either way, reading your horoscope is cheaper than therapy, so here are your 100% factually (maybe) accurate predictions for March.

And in case you missed it, check out your February Horoscopes to see if the month of love brought you what you wanted!

horoscope, zodiac, satire, March, satirical, stars, prediction, star sign Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius and Pisces | 100% Factually Accurate Horoscopes Written Stars
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Your 100% Factually (Maybe) Accurate February Horoscopes

The stars are a bit like your therapist, your best friend, and your mom; sometimes they have good advice. Other times, they really, really don't. Either way, reading your horoscope is cheaper than therapy, so here are your 100% factually (maybe) accurate predictions for February.

And in case you missed it, check out your New Year's Horoscopes to get a full overview of your 2020 zodiac signs.

horoscope, zodiac, satire, February, satirical, stars, prediction, star sign | your 100% factually accurate horoscope written in the stars capricorn aquarius pisces aries taurus gemini cancer leo virgo libra scorpio saggitarius
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Things You Probably Didn't Know About The Horoscope Signs

Get some more useful info about your sign in these adorable comics. And yes, one is indeed missing but it will be featured soon so follow Tom Siegel

funny astrology memes
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This Is What Type Of Nail Art You Should Do According To Your Zodiac Sign

The people at Hello Giggles talked to astrologer extraordinaire Amelia Quint of The Midheaven about each sign's nail art soulmate, so you can rest assured knowing your nails have official astrological approval.


Nail art according to zodiac signs
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