sexy times

Hopa! It's sexy times. Time to spice it up and get fiery and naughty. Don't let that passion get snuffed out and make sure you look at these hilarious jokes and puns all to do with whoopie.

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Women Tweet About The Triumphs And Defeats Of Hookup Appointments

Hookup culture has been having a moment for quite some time now, but we're starting to think it's not all it's cracked up to be. A whole lot of effort goes into dick appointments, and often, we discover that the D wasn't even worth all the prep. There have also been times where we got super hyped up and ready to go, only to have him cancel last minute to play video games with his homies. So rude, and so not worth our time. The horny women of Twitter know the triumphs and defeats of dick appointments all too well and constantly share their struggles on the platform for the world to see. Scroll down for the funniest tweets from this week. 

dick appointment tweets | thumbnail text - bellyb @corpsefucker421 ... gonna make an app where u can rate dude's dick down game like yelp. rate the dick appointment out of 5 stars, let others know if it was worth your time or not 2:55 PM · Jul 19, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone
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Walks Of Shame That Have Nothing To Do With The Morning After Sex

Urban Dictionary defines the walk of shame as "the walk from another person(s) house, apartment, condo, dorm, van, bar, park bench or other; to your place of residence wearing the same clothes you had on the night before. Typically used when someone leaves the home of a sexual escapade (quite possibly with someone you met the night before) in the morning; hair sticking out in all directions, lines on your face, and missing at least one article of clothing.

However, according to the people of Twitter, the walk of shame could be any walk that occurs after an embarrassing moment. Based on what we've read on the platform so far, there are enough moments of mortification to go around on a weekly basis. Scroll down for this week's best non-sexual walks of shame. 

walk of shame tweets | thumbnail text - Font - Serena Monsoon @Serena_Monsoon I can't wait for the next work-from-home company survey where under reasons I enjoy working from home I can write, "I enjoy the privacy of stress crying in my own bed over having a breakdown in the bathroom and having to do the red-eye'd walk of shame back to my desk" 2:38 AM · Jul 10, 2021 · Twitter for Android
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Instant Mood Boosters We Plan On Trying Next Time We're Feeling Down

As amazing as hot girl summer has been thus far, hot girls have problems too, and we can't always be in the best moods 24/7. After all, being hot 24/7 is a tough job, but someone's gotta do it. As a fellow hot girl, you're surely wondering what you're meant to do when you're not feeling your best self. Luckily, the Reddit women have you covered on their latest thread all about the methods they use to bounce back from moments of darkness. Remember, ladies, we're all in this together. Scroll down for our fave mood boosters. 

instant mood boosters | thumbnail text - pandafrompluto · 11h I enjoy what I call "Shower Therapy." Long hot shower, good music, scalp massage and grooming. Theres nothing more refreshing to me.
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People Spill The Tea On Things That Are Actually Better Than Sex

A lot of people can easily obsess over sex. Even though we don't all share the same sex drive or preferences, it's likely that sex pops into your head at least once a day, at least once you start having it. It's a blessing and a curse. It's a pretty fun thing to daydream about, but it's definitely not the most interesting thing in the world. There are definitely other satisfying sensations that could give the big S-E-X a run for her money.

People Spill The Tea On Things That Are Actually Better Than Sex| thumbnail text - Skeets5977 · 9h When water is stuck in your ear after swimming and it finally comes out. 4 5.9k Reply Share
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Sexual And Non-Sexual Walks Of Shame Which Made Us Giggle

Walks of shame are all the rage right now, and not just the ones that occur the morning after a sexual encounter. Every day, we embarrass ourselves in some shape or form. Naturally, the walk of shame follows our most mortifying moments. Everyone saw, and there's nothing left to do except walk with our head hung low and our eyes on the floor. Be sure not to make eye contact with anyone either. It'll only make the shame worse. People on Twitter are putting their best walks of shame on blast for the world to see. Here are our faves. 

walks of shame tweets | thumbnail text - Cat Herder ... @echo262 Going outside to sweep up the husks of bent sparklers, burnt out boxes of sparkling fountains and crushed cardboard tubes from jumping jacks is the Fourth of July equivalent of the walk of shame. 5:02 PM · Jul 5, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone
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Lines From 'The Office' That You Should Never Use In Bed

The Office isn't just a mockumentary; it's also a never-ending source of one-liners that can be used to make any situation infinitely more awkward. Michael Scott's favorite line, "That's what she said," is great for turning anything into a sexual innuendo, but when you're actually in bed with someone, there are some quotes from The Office that you should probably avoid. Because, in the wise words of Dwight, "Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' and if they would, I do not do that thing." So, to help you not be an idiot, we thought it would be fun to find some of Dunder Mifflin's famous quotes that you should NEVER say to someone in bed, or worse, want to hear someone you're in bed with, say to you. Unless they're a fellow Office groupie, in which case you're winning. And if you're in bed with someone who isn't a Michael Scott groupie, then what are you even doing with your life?

lines from 'The Office' that you should never use in bed | thumbnail text - it says 'bushiest beaver' I just want it to stop
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Walks Of Shame That Have Nothing To Do With Sex, Along With Walks That Do

The walk of shame is universally known as the strut that happens the morning after sex. However, the people of Twitter have been redefining the phrase as of late. It's not just about sex anymore. Apparently, it's about every mortifying moment ever. We can use "walk of shame" to describe everything now! Doesn't have to do with the morning after? No problem - you still have a right to use it! What a time to be alive. Scroll down for the best tweets we read about the walk of shame this week, and let us know which shameful moment you relate to most in the comments.

walk of shame tweets | thumbnail text - Trouble troubleinheels1 walk shame, but 's just eating leftover KFC, wearing night shirt, illuminated by light fridge. 7:48 AM Jun 29, 2021 Twitter iPhone
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Cheeky Ways To Respond To 'What Are We' Instead Of Actually Defining The Relationship

Defining the relationship can be super awks, especially in this day and age. You could tell that your casual hookup has caught the feels for you, and if you don't feel the same way, that conversation might not be one you want to have. Luckily for you, Redditors came up with a genius thread about how to respond when your summer fling asks the dreaded question: "what are we?" Instead of being mature and honest about it, you could avoid responding entirely with the wonderfully hilarious one-liners below.

funny ways to respond to what are we | thumbnail text - WinstonChurchillin · 9h "What are any of us, really?" (then look off in existential thought)
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People Reveal Their Experiences With 'Performance Enhancing' Gas Station Pills

What people do in the bedroom is entirely up to them, and as long as it's consensual it's all good with us. Different people require different things to get them excited, and others need something extra to keep the party lasting a little longer... If you know what we mean wink, wink. There are all kinds of ways to deal with such circumstances, but one of the most taboo might be those over-the-counter drugs you can find at most local gas stations. The topic of 'keeping it up' is not exactly covered by your average high school sex-ed class. Should it be?


People Reveal Their Experiences Taking Bedroom 'Performance Enhancing' Gas Station Pills| thumbnail text - Photograph - PopGunSuzie @PopGunSuzie ... Dating during covid: What color should I paint my toes for my gynecologist appointment later? 9:45 PM - Feb 1, 2021 - Twitter for Android
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The Walk Of Shame Is Officially More About Fame Than Being Ashamed

Breaking news: the walk of shame is officially nothing to be ashamed about. We would say you heard it here first, but you probably heard it on Twitter first. People openly tweet about their personal walks of shame on a weekly basis, many of which have nothing to do with the morning after sex. When people publicly broadcast their most shameful moments, it doesn't really seem like they're especially ashamed of it. Hence, the walk of shame has transitioned to the walk of fame. Does your walk of fame moment compare to the ones below? Let us know in the comments. 

Walk of shame tweets | thumbnail text - Cheno ... @ChenoJPinter Petition to switch out "Walk of Shame" and put in "Stomp of Glory" 6:50 PM · Jun 13, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone
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People Tweet Their #FavoriteThingAboutSex, And It's Thoroughly Titillating

Do you remember when you realized people actually had sex? It's kind of a sobering moment. Maybe it happened in college, or high school even. A couple of your friends recap their crazy night out with you and suddenly you realize, 'Oh sh*t, people really do be getting down and dirty.' It's true, everyone has sex. Some people more than others obviously, but everyone be doing it, and everyone has their favorite thing about it as well.

Didn't realize the s-word could become a viral hashtag on Twitter, but here we are. 

People Are Tweeting Their #FavoriteThingAboutSex, And It's Thoroughly Entertaining| thumbnail text - January 6th = @gohome1122 #MyFavoriteThingAboutSex Hard to come up with anything specific about those 90 seconds..
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Here's How Women Let Men Know They're DTF

If you're wondering how in the world the female psyche works when it comes to sexuality, we got you covered. A Redditor asked Reddit women how they let men know when they're horny, and the thread totally blew up. While some women are more discreet and demure, other women are way more direct, choosing to tell men exactly what they want. Apparently, simply saying "I'm horny" will work wonders. How do you let dudes know you're ready to rumble? Let us know in the comments. 

How women let men know they're horny | thumbnail text - PhreedomPhighter · 1h a I do a loud mating call. That way if my man doesn't want to then someone nearby will hear it and come running.
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Woman's Cat Poops All Over Bed During Hookup In Embarrassing 'Sexcapade'

After a long year, many single people of the world are excited about ending the awful sexual dry spell in which we were forced to endure. Sexcapdes is a column about hilarious and cringe-worthy stories of naughty sexual debauchery gone fabulously wrong! Today's Sexcapade story is one where lady's night really took a shitty turn when she attempted to bring her date home for some adult fun only to have her night be completely ruined by no one other than her furry little feline friend. Brace yourselves!

Woman's Cat Poops All Over Bed During Hookup In Embarrassing 'Sexcapade' | thumbnail text - SEXCAPADES| "So we stood there, naked, CHEEZ cake covered in cat poop, not sure what the f*ck to do." RIDICULOUS TALES OF SEXUAL DEBAUCHERY
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Here's Your Monthly HOEroscope, Shave Accordingly

You've read countless horoscope predictions, but none of them have ever solely focused on what's really important - sex, duh! The universe runs on sex, hence sex is intrinsically connected to the stars. What I'm telling you that your sex life is based entirely on your astrology, not to mention Mercury being in retrograde. It seems like Mercury is always in retrograde, but I digress. Back to your sex life.

We're thrilled to present your monthly HOEroscopes, where we determine your sexual future based on the cosmos. Because science, b*tch. May the D be ever in your favor this week. 

Sexual horoscopes | thumbnail text -m, メ me II HOEroscopes Sex and the Stars u up? Pd
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Women Reveal How They Prep For Sexy Times

So you locked down a date for the weekend, and you're ready for a night out on the town with your dude - and the sexy times that are likely to come next. Naturally, you wanna feel your sexiest self, so you go through your typical d*ck appointment routine. But what does that look like? Apparently, it's not the same for every woman. We uncovered a two-year-old Reddit thread about what women's usual prep looks like, and responses range from super meticulous to straight-up not giving a f*ck. Does your routine match up to the ones below? 

Women reveal how they prep for dick appointments | thumbnail text - russianvalkyrie98 · 2y If I feel jazzed enough I do prepare. -shower -shave armpits legs and trim the lady bits -brush teeth and pluck eyebrows if they need it • do hair and makeup if its a date put on a cute outfit with sexy lingerie underneath
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People Describe Their Sex Life Using Only Movie Titles

Sometimes it can be difficult to format the complexity that is one's sex life into clear words. Our 'sex lives' can change a lot through the years, sometimes even throughout the week. It's not so easy to explain how active, or inactive someone is sexually. Perhaps the best way to do it is by referencing another storyline that we can thoroughly relate to.

On Reddit, people are describing their sex lives using only movie titles. Maybe there's a 70's film out there that is better at explaining our sexy times than we can.

People Describe Their Sex Life Using Only Movie Titles| thumbnail text - LoginB OP · 2h Pulp Fiction, without the pulp 6 Reply ...
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