relationships

Since we established the wonderful concept of Galentine's Day, being single, flirty, and thriving never looked better. After all, brunching, baking, and boozing with the homies is quite the ideal way to spend your Sunday Funday. Within the warm embrace of your best buds, you may think you're safe and sound from the wrath of disappointing men, yet you would be oh, so wrong. Given today's modern forms of communication, if these men want to find you on Valentine's Day, rest assured, they will find you. And if you let them back into your cold heart, they very well might kill you too.

Certain men that will slide into your DMs on V-day are of a different breed. And not in a good way. As the great Lil Wayne once passionately rapped, "love is in the air, so I hold my breath till my face turns purple." Best to hold your breath, lock up your heart - not to mention all your doors -  and avoid the following men like the plague.

So, it's Valentine's Day. Today a lot of people are thinking about their relationship status and reminiscing over past dates that either make them smile or crawl in a little hole. On a first date, people want to feel calm, cool and collected. But it's just not always possible. An awkward first date doesn't cancel out the possibility of a second date, but it sure does not feel good in the moment.

Valentines Day is just around the corner. If you're currently single, this day will only highlight just how alone you feel. Unless, of course, you're choosing not to be in a relationship, in which case then that too, is the reason that I am single. At least that's what I tell my mom. But if you're single because of other reasons (why doesn't anybody want me?!), then these memes are for you. All the single ladies, put your hands up!

This time of year is hard to navigate when it comes to relationships. Valentines Day can either remind you of how incredibly single you are or, it can remind you of how much your partner drives you crazy if you're in a relationship. Of course, it can also remind you of how much you love your partner, but you can see yourself out. Thank you very much. I'm not bitter about being single at all. Promise. Anyway, here are this week's funniest relationship tweets that we found. Happy (or not so happy) Valentines Day to you all.

Flirting is a subtle art that, unfortunately, not everyone possesses the natural finesse to deliver. When it comes to texting your crush, there are unwritten rules of the dos and don'ts that will either get you that date or turn them off forever. Nestled somewhere among the don'ts is the overuse of role plays, specifically the *insert action* template. No one wants you to spell out action by action what you would be doing if you were in person, especially if you're saying creepy things. It's not cute, it's not sexy, and it will only end badly for you. Trust me on this one. If you don't believe me, read through these texts.

Okay, it's incredibly easy to make fun of Valentine's day. The holiday has no real historic purpose, and really only benefits consumerism. If you're in a committed relationship there is an immense amount of pressure to behave a certain way on this random day to 'prove your love' or whatever. If you're not really dating, but seeing someone,  it's just kind of awkward because you might not want to go so full-out so early on. If you're single, well, you get a whole day to really (over)think about that. 

It's almost Valentine's Day, and I'm getting ready for my yearly tradition: a scented bath, a bottle of vintage wine, feeding my crows and preparing the effigy of Clark Gable which I will burn in a forest with the rest of my coven as the clock strikes midnight and the spectre of St. Valentine bids us farewell. This is what we must do every year, as it is written. But recently I can't help wondering about the couple across the hall from my apartment. Charlotte and Mark have lived across from me for a few years now, and they're pretty nice and clearly in love, but they have some WEIRD traditions. I'm talking sh*t that you only see in movies, like going to the store to buy food instead of summoning it from the great beyond, or using electricity instead of lighting candles. Who doesn't use candles?? Anyway, I've just been thinking about all the crazy stuff they probably do for Valentine's day. Like…

So apparently there is a thread, actually a couple of threads, on Reddit that men use to express what lies they think they've been told to by women. Some of them seem pretty angry about it too, let's go through and assess these terrible falsehoods we've been spreading. It's our right as women to know what lies we are telling after all. We can change!

Let's be real. Whether you like it or not Valentine's day is coming up quickly. Yes, we're are in the midst of a global pandemic, but that doesn't mean you cannot make February 14th your B. Options may be limited, but there are still plenty of ways to go off and show Saint Valentine who's boss. Who needs a man when there are heart-shaped pizzas out there that can fill you up without unleashing their emotional baggage on you? Here are fourteen ways to thoroughly smash your first (and hopefully last) social distancing Valentine's day as the single queen that you are. 

Ah, Valentine's Day. Depending on your current relationship status you may see it as a joyful day used to commemorate love, or a fabricated corporate scheme that blew the F up. Whichever stance you take, the day is coming up SOON. So we may as well have some fun looking at these design fails. Considering these manufacturers barely proofread many of these products, perhaps we should all use this as a reminder to not take the day so seriously either.

Anyone who has been in a long-distance relationship knows how tough it can be. Phone sex gets kind of boring after a while, spooning yourself to sleep is impossible, and FaceTime dinner dates pale in comparison to the real thing—especially if you have bad wifi connection. But not everyone is fortunate enough to live with, or even in the same city or country as their partner, and these tweets accurately sum up the relatable difficulties of maintaining a long-distance relationship.

Breakups are never easy, but they're especially harder to get over when you don't have any type of closure. In an ideal world, you'd be able to sit down with your ex and have a civilized chat about why the relationship didn't work out. You'd each express your feelings, maybe cry, definitely hug it out, and shed the emotional baggage from the relationship. But life rarely works out like that, and as I've learned over many years of heartbreak, creating your own closure is the only real way to move on. But closure is relative; does it mean going to therapy? Keying his car? How about a good old fashioned breakup letter? Or, since we're in the age of social media, a public letter on Instagram, letting him know just how disappointing you found him. Thanks to the Instagram account To The Guys I've Dated, now you can do just that. Women everywhere are submitting letters to the disappointing men they have dated (or kinda dated) to get the closure they need. Each week we bring you a new selection of some of the funniest ones, and this latest haul is just as funny and brutal as all the previous ones we've published.

Before 2020 the biggest risk of dating was getting rejected, hurt, stood up, kidnapped etc etc. Today those are all still relevant fears, but on top of it, there's an even bigger risk. What was it called again? Oh yeah, the virus. 

If you're going to meet up with someone, it's not enough to stalk their socials beforehand and make sure they're kind of normal, you need to think long-term. Is this 5"7 stud with an aggressive calf tattoo worth potentially infecting my entire social circle? It's a tough one.

On the bright side, you don't have to feel bad at all for not getting any action this past year. You can say, "I'm just taking this virus very seriously," and that is totally valid. Even after this all passes I may even tell people, "In preparation of the next global pandemic, I am purposefully remaining single until further notice." Yeah, you're all welcome.

When convincing my friends to take a leap of faith and pursue things with someone they think they might like, I try to push them by saying, "What's the worst that can happen? Either you break up or you get married. Those are the two options." But really, after further analysis, I can see now that there are really many MANY more directions a relationship can go in. I can think of 15 now, but until these apps manage to completely distort our dating experiences, and entirely hinder our ability to meet people ~organically~, well this is what I got for ya.

Sex is a kind of a big deal, especially in a relationship. A couple's sexual compatibility is just as important as their emotional and physical connection, and it's not something people should compromise on. I'm not saying you have to be into the same stuff necessarily, but if there is respect, communication, and open-mindedness, then a sexually fulfilling relationship is possible. But sometimes, even with all of that, it's not enough. If you've ever had to break up with someone because the sex was that bad (definitely speaking for a friend here), then you'll empathize with these people. Redditors shared the reasons they ended a relationship over sexual incompatibility, although it seems like 'cheating' is being used synonymously with 'incompatibility,' and I'm confused.

You might think it's easy to get some these days, especially with everyone desperate for human contact after lockdown. But it turns out that cat owners often encounter technical setbacks that the average person doesn't, which could stop them from getting lucky in the sex department. Together with The Single Society, we bring you real women's stories of times their cats did everything they could to stop their owners from getting laid, which, if you know a thing or two about kitties, isn't all that surprising. It turns out cats might just be the ultimate c*ck blocks!

We'd love to hear your stories, cat owners! Share it with us in the comments below.

And just a little reader discretion, the following stories are uncensored and quite naughty. Naughty but definitely hilarious, and very relatable. Proceed with caution.