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horoscopes

women's weekly funny horoscope | thumbnail Text - Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) You've had your eyes set on a sexy m. someone for months, but my, oh, my, looks like the boy's too shy, ain't gonna kiss the girl. Time to call the shots on your end - when the clock strikes 12, throw yourself into his arms, and let that midnight magic wash over the two of you. Cl

Your Nonsense New Years Horoscopes (December 27 - January 3)

Because astrology is cheaper than therapy

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women's weekly funny horoscope | thumbnail Text - Saggítarius (Nov 22 Dec 21) This holiday season, you intend to be the gift. Whatever is on his list, you'll do it. Slutty Santa's Helper? Rudolph the Raunchy Reindeer? Christmas Tree Gone Wild? Ride that sleigh to town, girl!

Your Nonsense Christmas Horoscopes (December 20 - December 27)

Because astrology is cheaper than therapy

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women's weekly funny horoscope | thumbnail image of woman pointing Text - Weekly Horoscopes Because astrology is cheaper than therapy

Your Weekly Nonsense Horoscope (November 30 - December 6)

Because astrology is cheaper than therapy

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women's weekly funny horoscope | thumbnail Text - Taurus Dollar signs are on the horizon this week - but only if you're not shy about it. Whether its asking for a promotion at work, or your sugar daddy to increase your weekly allowance, people are feeling more generous this Thanksgiving weekend.

Written In The Stars: Thanksgiving Weekly Horoscope (November 23 - 29)

Because astrology is cheaper than therapy

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weekly women's funny horoscope | thumbnail Aries The sun moves to Jupiter this week, sprinkling some extra boldness and spontaneity into your spirit. Instead of obsessing over Mr. Dashing, Dark, & Handsome, slide into those DMs

Written In The Stars: Your Weekly Horoscope (November 16 - 22)

Because astrology is cheaper than therapy

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Weekly women's funny horoscope | thumbnail Go (Scorpio) shorty - it's your birthday month! Even though it's your special tim of the year, you may also encounter assholes who are trying to mess with your birthda vibes. If their sh*tty attitudes persist, stay true, and swiftly tel them to shut the f*ck up | Libra The sun will be blocked by Neptune in Pisces, so prepare for a rollercoaster of emotions. To prevent a complete meltdown, cut down on the crap in your life. Eliminate toxic frenemies

Written In The Stars: Your Weekly Horoscope (November 9 - 15)

Because astrology is cheaper than therapy

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pictures of satirical horoscopes zodiac signs - cover pic Libra | Libra (Sept 23 Oct 22 think unique because hormones are out wack right now, but news flash: so are everyone's s been crazy year and mood swings are off charts. Try and channel energy into some self-care this month, and invest some bath salts. Or some vodka. Or both!

Your 100% Factually (Maybe) Accurate September Horoscopes

Satirical Horoscopes based on absolutely nothing

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pictures of satirical horoscopes zodiac signs - cover pic Aries You think you're outgoing unfortunately everyone else thinks you're a psycho | Aries (March 21 April 19 think outgoing, but unfortunately, everyone else thinks psycho. This month should work on leaving some of the crazy at home locked drawer. And then throw away key. But seriously though, chill f*ck out.

Your 100% Factually (Maybe) Accurate July Horoscopes

Satirical Horoscopes based on absolutely nothing

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horoscope zodiac satire June satirical star sign Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces | Taurus (April 20 May 20) At this point s clear 2020 is broken cannot be emphasized enough: THIS IS NOT TIME EXPERIMENT WITH HAIR. Just. Don't. Do Come back and try again 2021.

Your 100% Factually (Maybe) Accurate June Horoscopes

Satirical horoscopes based on absolutely nothing

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funny horoscopes

The Star Alignments Explained By Tommy Siegel Has Brought Us Back To Life

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dark funny horoscopes

12 Dark Horoscopes That Will Make You Start Worrying About Your Future

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