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Your 100% Factually (Maybe) Accurate July Horoscopes

Forgive us for being a little late with your horoscopes this month, but we've been busy bees. With July seeing the world getting into somewhat of a semblance of normality, we thought it was time to serve you a big ol' slice of reality pie. Therapy might be expensive, but star signs are not. So before you go investing in finding a shrink, check out what we have to say about your upcoming month. Pay attention, we know what we're talking about! 

pictures of satirical horoscopes zodiac signs - cover pic Aries You think you're outgoing unfortunately everyone else thinks you're a psycho | Aries (March 21 April 19 think outgoing, but unfortunately, everyone else thinks psycho. This month should work on leaving some of the crazy at home locked drawer. And then throw away key. But seriously though, chill f*ck out.
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Your 100% Factually (Maybe) Accurate June Horoscopes

The stars are a bit like your therapist, your best friend, and your mom; sometimes they have good advice. Other times, they really, really don't. Either way, reading your horoscope is cheaper than therapy, so here are your 100% factually (maybe) accurate predictions for June.

And in case you missed it, check out your April Horoscopes to see if anything has changed for you since then! Or, if your life is pretty much the same. Old. Cr*p.

horoscope zodiac satire June satirical star sign Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces | Taurus (April 20 May 20) At this point s clear 2020 is broken cannot be emphasized enough: THIS IS NOT TIME EXPERIMENT WITH HAIR. Just. Don't. Do Come back and try again 2021.
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The Star Alignments Explained By Tommy Siegel Has Brought Us Back To Life

This delightful list is just as beautiful and just as valid as any other horoscope we've ever seen. Thank you, Tommy Siegel, for bringing your vision to life and sharing it with all of us. 

funny horoscopes
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12 Dark Horoscopes That Will Make You Start Worrying About Your Future

While horoscopes usually tend to be a source of those feel-good prophecies about the near future, not everybody sees them the same way. Take Toronto-based artist Amrit Brar for example, who has crafted a dark humor-induced version she called 'Shitty Horoscopes.' Scroll down to see your fortune.


dark funny horoscopes
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