horoscope

You don't have to know a lot about astrology to realize there is always something in the air. Either some planet is retrograding, or some evil moon is rising, or some sign is losing their mind. The stars really know how to keep us on our toes. The astrologers of Twitter are amazing at delivering the most recent horoscope shifts in very humorous and inspiring ways. For people who love astrology, these tweets probably seem really clever, but for those of us who are clueless about zodiac sh*t, these are just so extra it's funny.

We're all well aware that it's 4/20, but are you aware that today's the day we kick off Taurus season? Because you should be! They're super sweet, loyal AF friends that will be there for you forever and always, and it's their time to shine and sparkle! Whether or not you're into the horoscope craze, it's still the season of the bull, which calls to celebrate your Taurus friends on a daily basis. The horoscope enthusiasts of Twitter are already on top of their game when it comes to ushering in #TaurusSzn! Scroll down for some fire Taurus tweets to kick off the season. 

Astrologers are everywhere these days. You might not know this yet but the best place to get the tea on the current attitude of the stars and the moon is via Twitter. If you're unfamiliar with this world, there are people who supplying non-stop advice on horoscopes and it's genuinely hard not to find it all hilarious when you know nothing about astrology.

Depending on your interest, these tweets can either make you feel like you are learning something new and exciting about the world, or they can make you worried that some people simply have way too much time on their hands. Whatever the case may be, enjoy!

Have you ever tried having a conversation with someone who speaks a completely different language than you? You both do your best to understand each other, you might try some exaggerated facial expressions and hand movements, but it gets very frustrating very fast. Well, this is kind of how it can feel talking to someone who depends on their entire life on their birth chart. Once they get into it, you can do your best to make sense of it, but really the deeper they go, the more complex it gets. 

At the end of the day, these people do basically speak a whole different language, and it's not even an entirely useless one considering millions of people really do follow astrology every day.

My strategy when discussing astrology is to simply smile and nod my head every few seconds. Maybe it'll work for you too? You can practice while reading these tweets.

Does anyone else get very amused, but lowkey frightened, by people who are so invested in astrology? Like, I want to laugh at them, but sometimes I wonder if they're on to something far too complex for me to understand... eh, probably not. People who spend all day analyzing their star chart, and predicting the next time mercury is in retrograde, well at least they've found something they're passionate about. Plus their tweets are so funny without even trying, and for that reason I love them. Thank you, contemporary astrologers, for your unintentionally hilarious tweets.

Idk about you, but people who know a lot about astrology genuinely terrify me. I never thought twice about my sign except when throwing around ideas for my first tattoo. I looked up the characteristics a few times and thought, "Sure..."

But if I go up to someone who knows everything about my sign I start hearing, "OMG you're such a Capricorn." And so I've had to just accept that they see something else that I can't. Maybe it's BS maybe it's not, but I'm so sorry it's genuinely hilarious to see these tweets out of context.

Y'all just keep doing your thing, it's very entertaining.

A new month marks the start of something new up in the sky. Has everything been out of whack lately? The stars are rearranging once again, and this time around, they just might align in your favor. Hop on my horoscopes spaceship and read on to find out if the universe is working with or against you this week.

City of stars, are you shining just for us? Hell yes, they are! Forealz, what the hell would we do without the trusty universe to guide us into our obscure futures? We would be more lost than we already are, which is pretty difficult to fathom. So come on, vamonos, everybody let's go for a ride into the cosmos together! 

I bet you have no idea what's flying this week. It's all good because neither do I. Luckily, we can always rely on the stars and planets of the universe for guidance. Because when you follow the cosmos, everything will magically fall into place. So hop on my spaceship and ride into infinity and beyond with me!

So we somehow made it to 2021, huh? Surprisingly enough, coronavirus didn't magically disappear at midnight on New Years Eve, yet with the stars on our side, I still have high hopes for the year. As we zoom into January, zoom into the cosmos with me and discover your fate, if you dare.

Who's hyped for another year of horoscopes?! I know I am. If there's one thing 2020 taught is, it's to expect the unexpected. As Forrest Gump once said, "life is a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get." The only thing you can rely on right now is how the planets align, and what exactly that means for your future. Hang on tight, and enjoy this crazy journey into the universe with me.

Cheers to New Years! Not just any new year - 2021. The year that marks the end of 2020 AKA hell on Earth as we know it. 2020 brought us a global pandemic, social unrest, travel bans, and even murder hornets at one point. Truly a shitty surprise on every corner. We can only go up from here, ladies & gents. I think. Are you there, cosmos? It's me. The horoscope princess. And I'm begging you to make 2021 a damn good year. Or even mediocre would be good enough.

As we dive headfirst into another year, let's turn to the stars for desperately needed guidance.

It's that time of the year for holiday cheer! We didn't think we'd make it this far, but 2020 is full of surprises. The fact that we actually made it this far is a sign that the stars just might be on our side… right?

Santa baby, we've been awfully questionable good girls this year. Think of all the fun we've missed, think of all the fellas we haven't kissed. Next year we'll be oh, so good if you hook us up with somewhat of a sense of normalcy? When you hurry down the chimney tonight, can you deliver optimistic horoscopes? Is that too much to ask for? A girl can dream. Buckle up with an ugly Christmas sweater and a warm cup of eggnog, because 'tis the season to be jolly as f*ck with these holiday horoscopes.

Another week, another plan set out for you in the stars. The end of 2020 is near, and you gotta be prepared for the next chapter of your story. Naturally, your horoscopes have you covered for whatever may come your way.

December's officially here! Thank the heavens - 2020 is almost over! Bundle up in your coziest blankets, grab a warm cup of hot cocoa, and dream about what 2021 has in store for you. What a bright time, it's the right time to rock the night away aaaand to read up on your horoscopes. 

This Thanksgiving season, give thanks to your friends, family, co-workers, and that one fuckboy from your past - all of which made you stronger in different ways.  Give thanks for making it this far in the midst of a global pandemic. But most of all, give thanks to the stars. Seriously, where the hell would we be without them? Read on to see what the stars have in store for you this week.