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Man With 700lbs. Of Beef Can't Get A Date: Funny Twitter Thread

Everyone is looking for different things in a life partner, and everyone knows what they bring to the table. But sometimes, it's better to keep your assets to yourself instead of assuming that you know what your potential suitors want, especially if it makes you sound like a bit of a d-bag. One guy learned this the hard way when he took to Twitter to vent his frustrations about being single, despite all his assets. His Tweet said, "My housing is paid for. I make a good salary. I get health insurance, 401k, 700 lbs of beef a year, and I live on a couple hundred acres. I'm a puncher by trade with a bachelor's degree. And I swear you women would rather have a loser than a provider. It's sad"

Twitter roasted him mercilessly, men and women alike and the responses are hilarious. We've compiled some of the funniest ones for you below to scroll through and laugh at.

 

man complains on Twitter that he can't get a date despite having 700lbs. of beef a year | thumbnail Text - Dangerously Beefy @vickers_stephen 000 My housing is paid for. I make a good salary. I get health insurance, 401k, 700 Ibs of beef a year, and I live on a couple hundred acres. I'm a puncher by trade with a bachelors degree. And I swear you women would rather have a loser than a provider. It's sad
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How To Fake Having A Girlfriend, 101

How to make everyone think you've got a girlfriend? Cover your hand with foundation, paint your nails red, and get creative with the camera, duh! One guy has mastered the art of making it look like he has a girlfriend by merely using his hand, and the results are quite believable! Try it yourself and see how realistic you can make a girlfriend look when you're 100% single.

pictures of guy faking a girlfriend in his photos putting makeup and nail polish on one hand to make it look feminine and taking pics showing it touching his face
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Man Turns Roommate's Mess Into “Passive-Aggressive Art Gallery"

Living with messy roommates is possibly one of the most frustrating things in the world - a situation in which comedian Justin Coysson found himself. After his "manchildren" roommates continuously ignored his requests to clean up after themselves, he took a different approach and started labeling their messes as if they were modern art pieces. From "Sour Cream-Covered Spoon Left In Sink Before Leaving Town For Four Days," to "Shoes on Shoe Rack (Nearly)," his pictures quickly went viral, gaining popularity for his hilarious approach to the messy situation. Check out the whole collection, which Justin called his "Passive-Agrreisve Art Gallery", and maybe it will make you think twice about putting up with sh*tty mess from your lazy roommates.

pictures of roommates mess turned into passive-aggressive art | CHOC HERSHEY'S CHOCOLATE CARAMEL Shake Well Keep Refrigerated Facts mixed -media, Cplastic and animal by-products) Nutrition Serving Sige Senvings Per Contaner bo SELL BY MAR 11 08:04 J 06-2796 Nutrition Facts vng Se 1 cup (240mL) Fat g Lucerne 2017 Chalesteral Ong Tatal Fat DAIRY FARMS Chter 2% MILKFAT T Carbolytrate 15 7% LESS FAT THAN REGULAR MILK Reduced Fat Milk VITAMIN D ELLENT SOURCE CALCA FORGOTTEN MILK, LEFT ACTIVELY GO RAN
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Man Dresses Up In Costumes Every Day To Walk His Dogs

During these tough times of lockdown, people are finding all sorts of ways to entertain themselves. Whether it's dressing up in periodic costumes or reenacting iconic movie scenes, people are certainly getting creative. One guy; a former Royal Marine from Weymouth, England, decided to share the joy and make his neighbors laugh by dressing up in crazy costumes whenever he walks his dog. His fellow former Royal Marine Jack P. documented the hilarious dressing up choices each day and posted them on Twitter. They might be totally crazy but we're sure they brightened up the day of everyone who saw him! 

tweet of walking his dog in different costumes Flintstones and Donald Trump | Jack @jackp593 Daily update on Steve's dog walking rig Flintstone theme today | man riding Donald Trump while walking two dogs
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Man Tweets How He Saved Woman From Strangers

As we know all too well, the world can be a dangerous place, particularly for a woman walking alone at night in metropolitan areas. Although staying vigilant is key in trying to avoid getting into dangerous situations, sometimes you may need to depend on the help of a kind stranger to keep you safe in certain circumstances. This is exactly the position one woman in NYC found herself in February, who when walking home alone, realized she was being followed by three men. Understanding the potential danger she was in, she approached a stranger and asked him to pretend he knew her, and accompany her home  The stranger tweeted the whole encounter (below) which went viral and inspired many people to thank him, on behalf of women everywhere for helping this woman while she was in a vulnerable state. It doesn't take a lot to show some kindness and help someone in need, like this compassionate stranger shows. 

man tweets woman strangers saved hero story | Black Professor @WonderKing82 walking train few minutes ago and woman walked right up and gave tight hug and whispered quickly please act like know 3 guys are following while played along then walked her 3 blocks home an experience both us.
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Man Camps Outside Hospital Waiting For Wife To Give Birth, Showing His Love For Her

During these tough times, the only thing that gets us through is love, and that's exactly what Shona and Conlin Moeller have shown us in the most heartwarming way. Shona went through a traumatic experience when her waters broke at five months and had to be rushed to hospital where she will remain on bed rest until she gives birth. Her husband, Conlin, has been camped outside the hospital ever since and has been giving her social distancing date nights. Check out below how cute they are... 


man hospital wife birth love heartwarming story husband | GROW FOREST GROW! PROUD PAPA I LOVE YOU MAGIC EVERYWHERE
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Women Reveal What They Think Would Be The Worst Part Of Being A Man

Although we can be sympathetic towards the struggles of others, no one can ever really know what it's like to be someone you're not. And what's more of a mystery to human beings than to know what the other gender is thinking! A Reddit thread asking the women of Reddit what they thought the worst thing about being a man would be, revealed something very interesting. The overwhelming majority of the answers were sympathetic towards the struggles of men being unable to express their emotions, always being expected to undertake physical tasks or labor, and being accused of mistrust. Check out the answers below...

AskReddit women man worst opinion thing men men vs women | MultipleAutism 37.1k points 10 months ago O People expecting could fight.
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People Are Hilariously Responding To This Woman Claiming "No Man Has All Five"

Earlier this week Twitter user @bittermulattos tweeted this list claiming "no man has all five." The funny people on Twitter agreed and sent their own lists. Over the course of the week, the tweet has gotten over 200,000 likes and thousands of retweets and comments.

funny list no man has all five | Person - angela @AngK101 Follow no man has all five: 1. separate shampoo and conditioner 2. emotional intelligence 3. a blank criminal record 4. more than 3 items in their fridge 5. friends who aren't drug dealers 7:30 PM - 9 Jan 2019 629 Retweets 3,759 Likes
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Gillette’s New ‘The Best Men Can Be’ Ad Has a Message About Toxic Masculinity And Is Getting Mixed Reactions

The shaving brand's advertisement focuses on bullying, sexual assault, #MeToo and men setting an example for boys. Some people have responded by praising the campaign's message, while others don't agree.




advertising man masculinity tweets gillette - 7544581
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These "He's Not Your Man" Tweets Will Make All Ladies Giggle

They all start with "Ladies, if he's:" and end with the conclusion "He's not your man". Some of these are really brilliant. 

relationship memes and tweets
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Via BBC News
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Watch the incredible story of Ben Sansum, a man from Cambridgeshire, England who has transformed his current world into the year 1946. His clothes, his house, and musical tastes all come from an era before he was even born. Fascinating!