january

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Mostly Nonsense, But Kind Of Accurate Weekly Horoscopes (January 25 - 31, 2021)

City of stars, are you shining just for us? Hell yes, they are! Forealz, what the hell would we do without the trusty universe to guide us into our obscure futures? We would be more lost than we already are, which is pretty difficult to fathom. So come on, vamonos, everybody let's go for a ride into the cosmos together! 

women's weekly funny horoscope January 2021| thumbnail Text - Cancer (June 21 - July 22) You've heard the word "no" so often recently that it's obnoxious at this point. But this is the week you've been waiting for - the week of YES! Expect to hear it everywhere and everywhere - YES to that promotion, YES to those vacation days, and SO MUCH YES in bed.
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Mostly Nonsense, But Kind Of Accurate Weekly Horoscopes (January 11 - 17, 2021)

So we somehow made it to 2021, huh? Surprisingly enough, coronavirus didn't magically disappear at midnight on New Years Eve, yet with the stars on our side, I still have high hopes for the year. As we zoom into January, zoom into the cosmos with me and discover your fate, if you dare.


women's weekly nonsense horoscope January 2021 | thumbnail Text - Text - Taurus (April 20 - May 20) A super shitty secret is gonna come to light this week in your social circle. Depending on how you handle this newfound truth may determine the dynamics of your friend group forever. No pressure though. XOXO, Gossip Girl.
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Mostly Nonsense, But Kind Of Accurate Weekly Horoscopes (January 3 - 10, 2021)

Who's hyped for another year of horoscopes?! I know I am. If there's one thing 2020 taught is, it's to expect the unexpected. As Forrest Gump once said, "life is a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get." The only thing you can rely on right now is how the planets align, and what exactly that means for your future. Hang on tight, and enjoy this crazy journey into the universe with me.



women's weekly nonsense horoscope | thumbnail Text - Saggítarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21) Your financial situation is the opposite of a good time. As you dive headfirst into your bills, be sure to also dive into a tub of ice-cream. There's nothing a tub of ice- cream can't fix. Trust me, I'm super tight with Ben & Jerry.
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Your Nonsense New Years Horoscopes (December 27 - January 3)

Cheers to New Years! Not just any new year - 2021. The year that marks the end of 2020 AKA hell on Earth as we know it. 2020 brought us a global pandemic, social unrest, travel bans, and even murder hornets at one point. Truly a shitty surprise on every corner. We can only go up from here, ladies & gents. I think. Are you there, cosmos? It's me. The horoscope princess. And I'm begging you to make 2021 a damn good year. Or even mediocre would be good enough.

As we dive headfirst into another year, let's turn to the stars for desperately needed guidance.



women's weekly funny horoscope | thumbnail Text - Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) You've had your eyes set on a sexy m. someone for months, but my, oh, my, looks like the boy's too shy, ain't gonna kiss the girl. Time to call the shots on your end - when the clock strikes 12, throw yourself into his arms, and let that midnight magic wash over the two of you. Cl
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