harryjohnson

Earth, fire, water, and air. We all know that your zodiac sign is ruled by one of these elements, but what does that characterization determine? Well, I am here to inform you that it indicates more than you may think. In fact, when it comes to your lover, there is basically no parameter more telling. Say farewell to statistics, goodbye science, and reason can jump off a balcony because your zodiac sign is 1000% accurate at deciding what type of dude you are bound to attract. So, enough guessing and definitely stop the unsubstantiated hypothesizing, because here is a guaranteed list of what type of person you are bound to allure based on your astrology.  

Ladies: while your travel plans may be restricted this summer, it doesn't have to ruin your fun. Just as you have been hearing all year, shop locally! This same principle can apply to your love life. From California to Miami to New York, my suggestion is that 2021 be the summer for discovering your next American hubby. And if you're from abroad, consider booking a flight to the land of the free and the home of the brave. Trust me, the guys here are worth it (AKA so toxic you can't help but keep coming back for more). 

 So, grab your girlfriends, rent a van, and begin your road trip, because eligible bachelors are around the corner and hungry for your arrival. Here is a list of the many marvelous men of the United States of America and what the state they come from says about them.

The following are based on total stereotypes. Not for the easily offended. 

Galavanting around the world in search of meaningless sex has rendered me a master of the f*ckboy craft (as well as a carrier of various sexually transmitted diseases). One of the main things I have learned along my journey, aside from how to cover up herpes with concealer, is where exactly to find these unsuspecting prospects. While I am in no way resistant to shooting my shot wherever I may be, certain locations have proven optimal spots for picking up a woman. Here's where f*ckboysare likely to be lurking this summer, so be on the lookout, ladies. 

While pickup lines are often cheezy, they do have a tendency to provide results when delivered properly. Pickup lines are a great way to break the ice and even gauge a person's potential level of interest in you. Pickup lines are a very legitimate and even efficient method of flirtation, but being able to differentiate between a guy putting in an honest effort to make you laugh and someone memorizing an uninspiring charade to get inside your pants is important. As a f*ckboy, I am personally a rampant user of pickup lines. I have been slapped, laughed at, and slept with as a result of using pickup lines. The line is integral, but a person's usage of the pickup can be just as telling. Here are some of my favorites that may actually work on a woman. Let me know how you would respond! 

While The Donald may no longer be president, fckboys still reign supreme. Some are easy to spot with names like Chad engraved onto their Juul and bare abs nearly always exposed, but others are advancing, learning how to mask their inherent douchiness within normal society.

 Fckboys have become masters of projecting falsehoods for their own benefit in stealth. I have come to realize that the best way to weed out a true fckboy from the crowd, is probably just to give him enough time to fck up on his own. There is no exact science behind how many minutes or months this process may take to prevail, but usually, if a man is genuine, you will be able to feel it out soon enough

Well, ladies, call it a guilty conscience, or, perhaps, just a wanting to level the playing field. Whatever the reason may be, I, a blaringly self-aware fuckboy – hyper-emotional, trend-hopping, intimacy fearing and all! –have decided to explain the top ten moves you should look out for from f*ckboys.